Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
