oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
