My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
