We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
