i wish my penis had a tongue
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
