Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
