he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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