you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there was a trapeze. enough said
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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