You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
