he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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