He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
