I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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