You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
