No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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