he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
