My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
