and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
