We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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