why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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