OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
