porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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