Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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