no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
