Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
