I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
