Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize