I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They have beer where we have blood.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
