Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize