mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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