you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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