You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
