He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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