1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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