Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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