there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
