Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
