i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he puts the penis in happiness.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
