Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
