im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
