Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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