I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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