I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
