i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
