; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
