Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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