my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
