My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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