i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
