Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
