Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize