I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
