oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
