sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
