I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
