I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
