i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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