I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize