College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
