I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
