I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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