I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
