Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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