I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
