Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
