I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
