Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
