Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
