you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
