i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
