Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
