I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
