Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
