She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
