I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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