I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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