Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
