The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
