Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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