my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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