Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize