I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
