I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What did we do last night that was yellow?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
