So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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