I faked an abortion last night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize