it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
