New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
