you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
