i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
