you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
